Can someone please riddle me this:
1) why do all optometrists have the same quiet, soothing, almost hypnotic tone of voice?
2) WHY THE FUCK does it cost $85.00 to have my fucking eyes checked?? They didn't even change!! Why was I charged $50.00 for a contact lens fitting when he just gave me a pair of what I already had?? I put them in myself for heavens sake, where's MY fifty dollars for 'fitting' myself?? Ugh.
3) why am I so timid and pathetic that I hand over my card without a WORD despite knowing that I literally cannot afford NOT to question this fee. I am broke as shit. Is it politeness? It is pride and not wanting to our myself as the near- bankrupt bag lady that I am? Or is it just plain old fashioned, home grown stupidity? I am inclined to say a combination of the three.
In closing: balls. That was a pricey 30 minutes.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Fun Sexy Mystery Identity Game!
Guess that coworker:
WHO has individualized ring tones for everyone she knows alternating between motown, soul, and R&B songs?
WHO leaves their phone on the loudest volume setting and wanders off for 40 minutes at a time?
WHO gets more cell phone calls than anyone else in the office that I am aware of?
Answer to ALL of the above: the IT woman across the hall.
Sooooo glad it's Friday.
WHO has individualized ring tones for everyone she knows alternating between motown, soul, and R&B songs?
WHO leaves their phone on the loudest volume setting and wanders off for 40 minutes at a time?
WHO gets more cell phone calls than anyone else in the office that I am aware of?
Answer to ALL of the above: the IT woman across the hall.
Sooooo glad it's Friday.
Maybe this will help?
Lord knows I'm one of the laziest people I've ever encountered. Possibly having the bright idea of putting blogger on my phone will encourage me to be less of a useless twat in regards to blogging? Stranger things have happened.
Pros of instant blog access via my space phone:
1) I can post AnYtImE @nYpLaCe!!1
Har har since I have a laptop and have never once set aside my US weekly at the airport and been like 'at laaaaast I can post from anywhere! (sung in style of Etta James, fyi)'
2) as a result of my FIERCELY boring job, my internal monologue is on overdrive (NOT as sexy as it sounds [to me]) and this might serve as an immediate outlet for some of that. Can't be healthy to store much of that for too long. How much pondering of various gossip column blind items should one really keep in storage in ones head, right? Courtney Stodden, where do you buy your clothes and how do your parents reeeeally feel about you? Groundbreaking shit like that. Duh.
3) I can blog in waiting rooms and appear as though I have a sexy and vibrant texting-life!
4) I am borderline sexually attracted to my space phone and any excuse to use it more fulfills me, ok? And draw something and words with friends stress me out because I get involved in too many games and it's like a to-do list that I TRY to get to buy CAN'T and then it's been SO LONG that there's all this stigma around it and I feel like I have to update ALL 21 games at once and WHO HAS THE TIME?!?! ...so less stressful, is what I'm trying to say.
CONS:
1) I make crazy typos that normally I would fix but obviously will overlook on my phone because, idk, imho wtf cares? Jk lol but Srsly typos. Galore.
2) odds of boyfriend catching on to the fact that I casually recreationally blog are exponentially increased and potential for embarrassment is raised accordingly. Which isn't really a valid concern since I embarrass myself in front of him so regularly that my effort to conceal my ridiculous resting state of existence has been flagging lately.
Ah, love (read: cohabitation), how you change me. To be lazier.
WHOO FOR BLOGGER ON MY PHONE!
Pros of instant blog access via my space phone:
1) I can post AnYtImE @nYpLaCe!!1
Har har since I have a laptop and have never once set aside my US weekly at the airport and been like 'at laaaaast I can post from anywhere! (sung in style of Etta James, fyi)'
2) as a result of my FIERCELY boring job, my internal monologue is on overdrive (NOT as sexy as it sounds [to me]) and this might serve as an immediate outlet for some of that. Can't be healthy to store much of that for too long. How much pondering of various gossip column blind items should one really keep in storage in ones head, right? Courtney Stodden, where do you buy your clothes and how do your parents reeeeally feel about you? Groundbreaking shit like that. Duh.
3) I can blog in waiting rooms and appear as though I have a sexy and vibrant texting-life!
4) I am borderline sexually attracted to my space phone and any excuse to use it more fulfills me, ok? And draw something and words with friends stress me out because I get involved in too many games and it's like a to-do list that I TRY to get to buy CAN'T and then it's been SO LONG that there's all this stigma around it and I feel like I have to update ALL 21 games at once and WHO HAS THE TIME?!?! ...so less stressful, is what I'm trying to say.
CONS:
1) I make crazy typos that normally I would fix but obviously will overlook on my phone because, idk, imho wtf cares? Jk lol but Srsly typos. Galore.
2) odds of boyfriend catching on to the fact that I casually recreationally blog are exponentially increased and potential for embarrassment is raised accordingly. Which isn't really a valid concern since I embarrass myself in front of him so regularly that my effort to conceal my ridiculous resting state of existence has been flagging lately.
Ah, love (read: cohabitation), how you change me. To be lazier.
WHOO FOR BLOGGER ON MY PHONE!
Maybe next time I'll brush my top AND bottom teeth. Gettin' hot under the collar NOW, aren't you?
Guess I'm lookin' pretty well-coiffed today, kiddos.
Make my way from my apartment on the twelth floor down to the lobby, gripping coffee in one unmanicured claw, and carrying a large empty tote bag (because there are approximately 1945826876283 pieces of tupperware and travel coffee mugs scattered around my office that WILL make it BACK to aforementioned apartment. today. so. help. me. god.).
Step out door, jaywalk across cross to the park.
Slight side-step around very tottery-looking homeless man which was in fact a side-step towards very skeezy looking skateboarder/hitchhiker/graffiti artist/alternative lifestyle individual who promptly asked me in an extremely congenial tone "Hey, can I become your sex slave?"
No sir, the position has been filled (haa..) but thank you for noticing that I used not one but TWO different shades of eye shadow today.
Pretty well-coiffed INDEED.
Make my way from my apartment on the twelth floor down to the lobby, gripping coffee in one unmanicured claw, and carrying a large empty tote bag (because there are approximately 1945826876283 pieces of tupperware and travel coffee mugs scattered around my office that WILL make it BACK to aforementioned apartment. today. so. help. me. god.).
Step out door,
Slight side-step around very tottery-looking homeless man which was in fact a side-step towards very skeezy looking skateboarder/hitchhiker/graffiti artist/alternative lifestyle individual who promptly asked me in an extremely congenial tone "Hey, can I become your sex slave?"
No sir, the position has been filled (haa..) but thank you for noticing that I used not one but TWO different shades of eye shadow today.
Pretty well-coiffed INDEED.
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