Well I'll be Damned...

...if I haven't managed to completely and effectively turn the tables on my own self in the last few months.

Things I have jettisoned, either by my own free will/act of god/acts of others/admittedly poor choices (my specialty...):

1) A long-term vehicle (note: this is hands-down the most inconvenient list item)

1a) My autonomy!! Turns out borrowing cars and begging for rides is the #1 quickest way to regret back into your teens. And NOT the sexy, fun teen years after you got a drivers license but before you started gaining and keeping weight and you were just basically 18ish and fuckin around. I mean 14. With braces. And maybe a club foot for good measure. It's a lot like that. That being said, hats off to you fine people that for whatever inexplicable reason forfeited your vehicles to this moi, because I can NOT think of a LESS trustworthy individual than myself when it comes to the operation of vehicles. I mean, thanks but… WHAT were YOU thinking? Aaaaaanywho.

2) About 3 inches of hair (off my head. ...otherwise, you know, gross.) Along with it went my red hair. And then my new brown hair. Lately, we're trying to use bleach highlights to Have More Fun. I'll let you know when that kicks in.

3) A long-term boyfriend. SO, turns out… just kidding-that unholy mess of emotionzzz gets its own post. A post that will go up about a week or two after I figure out what the fuck happened. So you know. Never.

4) My solo apartment. A chick gets lonely, mah friends. A chick and her wiener dog get reeeeeal lonely. On the major up-side, I have since located, moved in with, befriended and more or less alienated and tortured on some occasions, the best married-couple-roommates the world has to offer. So dual thanks and apologies to them, you guys are the tits…

5) Any sense of dedication to blogging. As evidenced by the chasm of time between this post and the last. Going to try reeeeeally hard to rectify this.

So you know. Ups and Downs and Downs. Here's the mirroring list of things I have GAINED in the past few months, for the exact same reasons mentioned above:

1) TONS of dating experience. Which is way more relevant for me than for the average "young adult" female my age, since I've had a for-reals boyf since the 9^th fucking grade. That's a lot of valentine's days, you guys. And a lot of "you hang up" "no YOU hang up" "no YOU HANG UP"s. And a lot of embarrassing birthday cards and mini-anniversary cards and prom photos and wedding dates and parent-meeting and BASICALLY I'm a career girlfriend. I have [had?] no clue how to casually date and I was determined, after this recent "opportunity" (look at me, being all glass-half-full and shit… maturing!) to do so, have decided to not only put my toe in the water of the dating field pool, but strip the fuck down and cannonball into the situation. Classy? OHhhhh No. Educational? Why, YES. The mens, the mens are still a mystery to me, but I've been getting a lot of field research down lately, and I feel like I'm a lot closer to cracking this code than I was before. More on that later.

2) Awesome roommates, see above.

3) A new/used car, as of yesterday evening!! A 2010 Nissan Versa Hatchback. It's a tad soccer-mom-esque, no lie, but you know what it's Not? Anyone fucking else's. Boom.

4) A scathing sense of baselessness re: my career and geographical positioning. Read: What job should I get? Where should I live? What makes me happy? Fucked if I know! So that's a wee bit troubling. All the time.

5) A solid determination to vent this shit to the blagosphere via this cheap outlet for my rantings. My friends are tired of hearing about my man exploits, and reading this is optional. So errrrybody wins.

Number one downside of working in a job where your entire day is billable in 6 minute increments? It's SUPER DUPER obvious when you fuck off and write a blog post for a half hour or so.

In that case, I'm going to shuffle some papers around my tiny office until it's an acceptable time to fling off my pumps, yank on my drankingggg flip-flops, and toddle up the street to the happiest of hours.

Deuces, lovelies.

KoKo (like the sign-language reading monkey, I remind myself now. Christ I'm ladylike).